Deciding What to Do if You Find Yourself in Love with Someone Other than Your Spouse

Sam, a man of twenty-eight who had been married six years and had two children, found himself in just this situation. His secretary was an unusually attractive girl of twenty-four. Neither of them had thought of love at first, although they had "clicked" remarkably well from the start. As time went on, they found that they had similar interests, standards, tastes, and ideals. Suddenly they realized that without any intent from either party, they were in love with each other. Before they did anything drastic, they went to a consultant and laid their problem before him.

The first task of the consultant was to point out that the situation was not unusual. Sam had also loved several other people. His list included his wife, his mother, a sister, a minister to whom he was greatly attached, and two other men with whom he fished for a week each year. Love certainly does not necessarily require a sexual expression. Sam's love for his secretary was not essentially different from his love for any of the others, except that it had the additional element of sexual attraction. This could complicate it seriously, but did not need to. It was Sam's wife who had borne his children, and with whom he was building his family, not his secretary. This fact gave to Sam and his wife a unique relationship, quite different from that with any of the others whom Sam loved. Therefore it would be better if Sam would restrict his physical intimacies to his wife.