Question: Should I reveal to my husband events from my past, even though I believe he could never find out about them?
There is a threefold test I share with people who ask if they should tell their spouses either about their distant past, or about things that they’ve done since their marriages began. Most often the question comes from people who’ve had an affair, but the same test works well for deciding whether to share any secret you’re keeping from your mate.First, is there any way he can find out? If so, he needs to hear it from you first. If you think your mate is going to react badly upon learning your secret, be assured that the reaction will be much worse if he finds out from anyone other than you. If there’s even the slightest chance he might discover your secret, you’re better off to tell him rather than to wait in miserable anticipation that the revelation may come from someone else.
Second, has he ever asked and you responded with a lie? If so, you need to get that lie off the table and tell the truth. As long as you know you’ve deceived him, you’ll never reach the level of trust that makes a great marriage. You’ll always know that a part of your relationship is based on fabrication rather than reality. Because of that, you will never feel genuine closeness as long as that lie lives.
